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And the Friction is dead.

This is going to be the most difficult thing to write, but it was coming; I’m done.

Done with you, done with life. I’m done picking up the pieces, every-time. Who lost who, really?

I grew up, for the most part like an orphan. I suppose the only difference was that i had a roof above my head and food to eat. Every single one of my imaginary friends would swear by this, i grew up- alone.

When you came, what we had, was friendship. I’ve had very little experience with this word. Although, i suppose I’ve thrown it around more times than i’d like to admit. Like love, most experiences of joy, pleasure and companionship were alien to me. The first thing i ever really learnt to feel was isolation. Being alone in a room full of people was a gift, being with you in a room full of people was better.

Then; She happened. I didn’t realize it at first, and i’m pretty sure you didn’t either. I suppose, we felt at the time, she was another one like everyone else. You were mistaken, i was painfully naive. When it started taking shape, i kept pushing it away because i didn’t know what to expect, didn’t know what to call it, how to share, what to share. One thing was certain, she was mine. I put her through hell; she took me with her. Love. Fucking powerful love.

I once told you that my relationship with the family was too late to fix. Nothing i ever did made things better, only worse. And this past year, Dear God!

Forever. This worked. The last 2 months have more than compensated for everything i did not feel my entire fucking life. To stare my father in the eye, to really talk to my mother, to be involved – This may seem like nothing to you but it is everything to me. I grew up an orphan, remember!

The wedding, my forever, my future. I wonder why something like this, would hurt you enough to think you lost me.

And if it is my friendship that you accuse, then it is my future that you resent. For, I’ve wanted  nothing more than to see you play with my kids and grow old together, as perhaps the only other among-us that i had the pleasure of knowing.

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About Humbug

My past has a way of making my present feel jealous of the future.