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Falling Out Boy

Prolonged sitting can sometimes invoke a song on the inside of your head, in my case it is always either Starlight by Muse or Sugar we’re going down by Fall Out Boy. On this particular Tuesday, the cushion seemed utterly inadequate making me feel like revealing much less than usual.

She could tell, like she could tell everything and i could tell that she could tell.

“So, how’s work? “

“Okay.”

Amused by that response, she felt a compelling need to probe. ” Okay? Good-bad-don’t care? All of the three? “

“Okay as in,” I liberated a sigh from within, ” so my superiors have a habit of setting ungettable targets and well, we’re more of in the habit of being content with far less. “

“Really? So you’re not meeting your targets.”

“No, its not that! ………. It’s not about targets or ….. it’s about being, lets say rational. About understanding the situation or research. “

She kept silent, i think because she figured i had more to add, which i did but the damn cushions kept screwing with the scene. What i really wanted to say was can you get a new couch?

“My colleagues think i should be made CEO.” I forced a smile but it sorta metamorphosed into a giggle. Odd.

“They think what?” She seemed to have missed the last part of what i had said unless of course this was deliberate.

“Nothing, just…. since i have so many opinions about so many things, they feel i’d serve better as the CEO. It’s a joke, of which i’m the butt of. “

” What do you think of the idea? “

So, was she making fun of me too? I had to wonder, True – i do tend to say a lot sometimes and i do know how it can be a problem. I decided to drop the thought and think about next week instead.

“I think that, i think i have a lot to learn. I am not even sure if i’d ever really become a CEO, at least not as long as i still have Animal Planet in my reach, know what i mean? ” I gift wrapped it with a chuckle succeeded by a look at the ceiling.

I have to admit, somewhere along the road I must’ve lost something very important to have ultimately become this way. As vague as that was, it’s still true, still painful, still present. The Art of Choosing –  my latest procurement, a book by Sheena Iyengar waiting to be read, still oblivious to its fate of being declared either unworthy or succinct, whichever. I liberated a second sigh on that thought.

” So, you’re leaving for Kalimpong again, tomorrow? ” she said, after waiting for my head to return to position.

“Yes, ” I replied, looking sideways now – at the wall, thinking, whether i should come back next week or give up treatment. Either way, i thought, it was not like i was going to get anything back.

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About Humbug

My past has a way of making my present feel jealous of the future.

6 responses to “Falling Out Boy

  1. shreya ⋅

    the cushions help in channelizing the anger..don’t ask me how i know.

  2. T ⋅

    Sheena Iyengar?

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