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If your 18 years or younger, Do not read This. If your older, Do not read this.

Everyone else, Happy Valentine’s Day.

How old were you when you discovered the joys of masturbation?
Ten? Eleven? It bears noting that masturbation didn’t yield its joys all at once.

How old were you when you first did anything sexual with another person?
Fourteen.

Have you ever had unprotected sex? Why?
Yes. Because I thought it would be more intimate. Because I thought it would be better. Because I wasn’t thinking.

What term do you prefer to use when saying you had sex? (Got laid, fucked, made love, etc.) Is there a difference in your mind between such terms?
What do you mean, is there a difference in my mind? They’re different terms.

I use whichever suits my needs at the time. “Made love” is rarely employed without a dollop of irony.

Have you ever used common household objects for sexual purposes?
Common household objects like money?

Do you own sex toys?
No, I lease.

She-male porn! Yes or no?
None for me, thanks.

Your current partner has had way more sexual partners than you. How do you react?
I wonder why we’re comparing stats.

You have had way more sexual partners than your current partner. How do you react?
It—get used to this answer—depends on the circumstances. If she felt intimidated or vulnerable, I suppose I’d offer as much reassurance as I possibly could without lying about my sexual habits. If she felt embarrassed

Would you have sex with a person who you hated if you were extremely physically attracted to them?
Yes.

Would you have sex with someone you cared deeply for, but had no physical attraction to?
I don’t know. This question presumes an ability to cleanly sever the physical element of attraction from other contributing factors—an ability I’m not sure I possess.

Would you dump someone for refusing to give you head?
No, But i suppose one has to wonder if that is all i want, most of the time i settle for knowing i can.

Do YOU ever refuse to give head?
I have.

Spit or swallow?
If this refers to my toothbrushing habits, I spit.

What have you had up your butt for sexual reasons?
Moving on.

Would you ever consider fisting?
Thanks to you, anonymous, I’m considering it now.

Have you ever sneezed during a sex act?
Not that I can recall.

Farted?
Yes.

Do you prefer to face your partner during intercourse, or away?
I prefer to face my partner.

Do you have a favorite position? If so, what?
I enjoy variety.

Where indoors do you prefer to have sex? (Bed, floor, shower, etc.)
I like beds, certainly, but there’s something appealing about making use of whatever surface happens to be handy.

Do you enjoy having sex outdoors?
It can be fun. It can also be exceedingly uncomfortable.

Would you ever take erotic photos of yourself or make sex tapes?
No.

Do you enjoy being watched while having intercourse/masturbating?
No.

How important is your sexual identity (gay, bi, straight) to your sense of self?
Not very.

If you woke up in bed, naked, with a member of the sex you don’t normally fuck, how would you react?
It would depend upon the person and possibly the bed.

If your partner admitted, while extremely drunk, to a fetish you find distasteful, what would you do?
People have admitted while extremely sober to fetishes I find distasteful.

If it were a drunken confession from a woman I was sleeping with, I imagine I’d inquire further.

If you partner told you he/she desired a threesome, how would you react?
Once again, it would depend upon the partner and the circumstances. I might be intrigued. I might take it as an indication of waning interest.

What is the maximum number of people you would sleep with at one time?
If two extremely attractive women accosted me on the street and demanded I go to bed with them both, I wouldn’t say no, but realistically speaking, one.

Have you ever toyed with the idea of double penetration?
I’ve given it due consideration.

If one partner cuts off all sexual contact, is it acceptable for the deprived partner to cheat?
Understandable, perhaps, but not acceptable.

What’s a sexual deal-breaker for you? The one thing you will NOT do for anybody?
I don’t like blood. I don’t like being infantilized. Aside from that, feces, children, animals, corpses, and public transportation are all out of the question.

Say you have a kid. What sort of attitude towards sex would you want them to grow up to have?
I’d want them to be knowledgeable about and comfortable with it. I wouldn’t want them to feel anxious or pressured—sex should be fun and it should be pleasurable. I’d want them to feel as though they could discuss it with me without being judged or misled.

Phew!

Any takers?

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About Humbug

My past has a way of making my present feel jealous of the future.

3 responses to “

  1. aftertheletdown ⋅

    one of the items listed under interests on your page, is “Self-Humiliation”? Does that mean you’re interested in humiliating yourself?

  2. the Pope

    What do you think?

  3. aftertheletdown ⋅

    so why haven’t you been writing?

Comments are closed.